Birthday Card to My Adult Son

Dear Brandon,

1 day and 18 years ago, I was sitting first chair violin at my high school Christmas concert. I was pregnant and due in 3 weeks. During the Hallelujah Chorus, I began to feel contractions. On the way home from the concert, they started coming every 10 minutes. My doctor told me to go to the hospital just in case. 12 hours later, my life would be changed forever.  That was the moment I met you in person for the first time.

You were a perfect little person.

 Time went on and I watched you grow and learn. I heard you laugh and learn to talk. Everyone you met fell in love with you. You were kind and considerate. Once when you were 7 years old, you gave all the change in your pocket to the Salvation Army. You were so proud of yourself and I was so proud of you too!

You were a perfect little person.

Time went on and I watched you grow and learn. You were so funny! You always had a smile on your face. You were always so silly and so full of energy. Your laugh was contagious. Once when you were 9 years old, I married the man you call your dad. We asked you if you wanted to change your last name to Hodge. You thought about it and asked, “can I change my name to Rex Hodge?” After we finished laughing, we decided you probably weren’t old enough to make that decision. Then, 2 years later on Valentines day, you asked Wayne & me if you could change your name to Brandon Hodge. What a wonderful Valentines day gift for us!

You were such a perfect little person.

Time went on and I watched you grow and learn. You became a big brother to 2 bratty little sisters. They were constantly picking on you and pushing your grouchy button. You were constantly asking them to leave you alone, stay out of your room, and don’t touch your stuff. One time when you were 15 years old, your littlest sister wanted to play with your Nintendo DS. This was strictly off limits, of course. However, you have a large heart and love your sisters dearly. When you thought no one was looking, you walked into the living room and handed it to her. It was hers to play with. You made her so happy and you made me so proud.

You were such a perfect person.


  
Time went on and I watched you grow and learn. You grew into the most amazing teenager. You never questioned us when you were told you had chores to do. You never missed a curfew. You were never in a place where you shouldn’t be. You spent every Wednesday night at a church youth group. You were still funny, caring, and considerate. Once when you were 17 years old, you volunteered at Vacation Bible School at your Alma Mater: St. Teresa. After the week was over, the teen leaders were to go to church on Sunday and sing the song they had taught to the young children in front of the whole congregation. You were the only teen leader who went to church that Sunday. You made a commitment, and you saw it through. I was so proud of you.

You were such a perfect person.

Over the years, we grew and learned together. For the last 18 years you have been my motivation to be a better person. You have been a source of inspiration to me. I could not have asked for a more perfect child. Our lives have not always been perfect. There were times when life was difficult. Through it all we had each other. I watched you blossom into an amazing man. I am proud to be your mother.

You are, without a doubt, quite a perfect person.



Happy Birthday to my little man!

With love, forever & ever,
~Mom

Instant Gratification...Does it Exist?

I want to snap my fingers and have it. What is IT, you ask? IT is: a slimmer body, a degree, a meal, and the list is endless. I am not always as patient as I should be. I simply want IT.

Very few things in life yield immediate results. Yard work is a perfect example of an activity that provides instant gratification. As soon as you are finished for the day, you can see a noticeable difference in the appearance of your yard.

Bigger life events do not provide the same level of instant happiness. For example, losing weight is not done quickly. Renovating a boat is not a speedy process. Making a baby is certainly not done overnight (well...maybe the 'making' part...but not the 'growing/developing' part.). Growing veggies, planning a wedding, buying a house...these many things have led me to believe that I need to rethink my ideas about satisfaction.

Last night, for example, I took my 5 & 7 year old daughters dress shopping. I was so busy watching them as their little minds cycled through the vast array of fabrics, cuts, colors, ribbons, and lace. They each selected three dresses to take with them to the fitting room, a place they had never visited for their own purchases. I sat back and watched as they tried on each dress and expressed their likes and dislikes for each one. One was not twirly enough, one didn't fit right in the shoulders, another was not long enough. Then, they made their final decision. Each girl picking a dress that had originally been picked out by her sister! If I had simply focused on getting the dresses and finishing that daunting task, I would have not been able to enjoy the experience of dress shopping with two little girls.

 I have learned that gratification is not merely found in the final result. Gratification, and in turn: happiness, is found each step toward achieving the final result. If the goal is to lose 45 pounds, then by all means celebrate every 1 pound loss. Every week of a pregnancy brings new joys and fears and a precious baby so much closer to birth. The gratification comes in every instance, if you allow it to do so.

The Power of Choice

One of the great things about being human is our ability to choose. I have been faced with this reality very often lately, it seems. From putting off assignments to spending time with my children to believing a new Professor about his view on choices....I, like all of us, have made a lot of good and bad choices lately.

We have the power to choose our attitudes, behaviors, and feelings. While we don't always have a choice about an event, we can choose how we react to the event and how we feel about it. For instance, it may not be someone's choice to be single. However, feeling lonely because one is single is, in fact, a choice.

Having a positive outlook is a choice. I know someone who is currently battling breast cancer. While she had no control over whether or not to get breast cancer (I assume she would have politely declined) she has chosen to remain positive throughout the treatment and healing process. I told her recently that she is my hero! I simply love that she not complained about being tired or feeling sick...not one time...during this rough period in her life. I only wonder if I could be so strong.

I want to be thinner. However, I just chose to eat a brownie covered in fudgey icing and walnuts. That isn't going to help the scale go down. I know this. No one forced me to do it, but I did. I can't blame genetics or my crazy busy schedule for being overweight. Every morning I choose to hit snooze instead of getting up and going to a gym...then I reward myself with brownies! I have no right to complain because I am making poor choices about my diet and exercise.

Some choices are easy. Others are extremely difficult. Let's consider for a moment the person who is feeling depressed and hopeless...which I claim (very boldly) are choices. That person has a very difficult decision to make: when do I seek help? Once that person decides to get help, there is a very long & difficult road to recovery. Choosing to get help and choosing to stay the course are, in turn, choosing that person's fate. I would even argue that the same is true for an alcoholic or an addict. Choose to have another drink or choose to go to a meeting. I know a couple people who made the hard choice and are thankful each day for doing so. They chose to save their lives.

Every thing we do every day is a choice. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, the people and opinions we listen to, the way we feel about our circumstance, the way we deal with a problem, the way we talk to our children, whether we laugh or cry. I'm glad that it's up to me and me alone. I have the power to choose.

Reset

My life is pretty fast paced. My job can be pretty stressful, I attend college on a more than part-time/not quite full-time schedule, oh and I have 3 kids and a husband. There are a plethora of things to keep me busy. I tend to roll through the hustle and bustle much like a snowball, picking up more intensity and stress on a daily basis. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my job and have fun doing it. I also love going to school and of course being with my family. However, sometimes one reaches a point where focus is lost and forward progress is slow.

At this point, a person can benefit from a reset button. I spent my entire weekend with good food, great wine, and incredible people. There was some singing, some golfing, and the best breakfast ever served in bed. The real world seemed to vanish for 48 short hours. This weekend was exactly the reset I needed!

I feel as though I have been recharged. I am looking forward to starting another work week and I have already made some progress on school work.

I am grateful to every person who spent time with me this weekend. Every one of them played a part in executing the reset that I needed so much. The snowball will begin rolling, right on queue, first thing tomorrow morning. I would have it no other way. But as of this moment, I am completely at ease and thankful for such an incredible weekend.

Naivety

Imagine a 17 year old boy who wants to see an R rated movie. He has no State ID. No way to prove he is old enough to see the movie. He decides to buy a ticket to a film rated PG 13 and sneak into the R film.

He is so worried about getting caught by an usher who clearly could care less that this man-child is sneaking into a different movie. He is forced to perform stealth maneuvers in order to slink up the stairs into the good movie. He is giddy at the thrill of slipping past the watchful eye of the movie theater attendants. This is, without a doubt, the best movie he has seen in a long time.

Imagine the mother of this 17 year old boy. Listening as her son boasts of this incredible adventure. Honing in on the excitement in his voice. Listening to how scared he was that he would get caught. Realizing that this...this harmless sneaking, slinking activity...is the worst thing her child is doing in his life. The fear he expresses at getting caught by a movie theater attendant is her confirmation that this young man is truly a remarkable teenager.

I am so incredibly thankful each and every day that I am blessed with such a wonderful, naive, caring, and remarkable 17 year old boy. I wish every parent was as lucky as me.

Slow It Down

Gracie (5) & Mackenzie (6)

Last week, I received my very first speeding ticket. Because I have committed such a heinous crime, my 5 & 6 year old daughters now fear for their lives when they get in the car with me. My 5 year old especially is very curious about how I could have done such a rotten thing and what type of punishment I received.

She asks me things like:
"Why did you do that?"
"Do you want to go to jail?"
"Do you know that speeding is bad?"
"How much money did that cost you?"

And the list goes on...and on...and on. She has even told her MawMaw about this. MawMaw is NOT happy.

This recent round of interrogation has led me to think about the speeding incident. Especially: Why did I do that? Well...I think I know the answer. I spend too much time in a big giant hurry.

It is time for me to spend less time in a hurry and more time just enjoying...

Enjoying:
My family (most amazing family ever!)
My home (my practice home...learning how to replace fixtures, paint, build fences..FUN!!)
My job (which happens to be my dream job!)
My workouts (I threw that in here because I REALLY wish I enjoyed my workouts :-) )
My blog (ok...this is my very first entry!! I am excited to FINALLY get it started!)

So tomorrow morning I will get up early enough to enjoy my morning coffee and just take my time...instead of enjoying my snooze button. No more rushing around. Its time to just enjoy.